A Single Ladies Guide to Destination Weddings
There are many stories covering destination weddings from the bride’s perspective. How to plan it, what to bring, how to pack your wedding dress, how to find the perfect venue, plus one etiquette and so forth. Rarely do we see stories about weddings from the perspective of guests and never from the perspective of us single ladies attending a destination wedding — I’d like to change that.
The invitation arrives in your mailbox. It’s on a lovely, thoughtfully selected weighted paper, and we’re thrilled for our friends. As a single woman, my first thoughts are “Who else is going?” followed by “Can I take off enough time from work to travel to/from the destination?” and then “Can I bring a plus one or will I be paying for the hotel room by myself?”
A destination wedding can easily cost a guest more than $1,000 without considering the flights, meals, and expenses. We need to consider that it might inevitably take away from a vacation we might like to take, a happy moment we want to celebrate, or a big purchase like buying a house by ourselves.
We’re really trying to be there for our friends and celebrate these happy milestones, so when planning a destination wedding it’s a delight when the bride and groom really consider how to make the trip easier for the people they are planning on inviting. Some brides have far-flung weddings to cut the list on purpose — which is fine and great, you do you! In fact, if you want a small wedding because your family is huge or there are too many obligatory invites, do consider going far, far away from your home base. Be upfront with the ones you really want there and find ways to make it easy to ‘say yes’ to the destination wedding.
Choosing the destination for the wedding
Ask yourself “Who do you really want to attend?” If you’re going to do the ceremony in either of your hometowns and it’s domestic, that might not be the most 'attractive’ vacation spot for out-of-towners unless it’s a homecoming for a larger part of your friend group and family. Consider setting up some welcome parties, activities, and transportation if the location isn’t that convenient for singles who are not from there.
If you’re going abroad, think about the timing of the year and the day of celebration, whether it’s a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. If you’re going for a less expensive day, it might be harder for people to take off work or be less convenient to find good flight connections. When thinking about the time of year, that will also inflate prices if in peak season.
Consider if the people need a Visa or specific travel requirements — tell everyone to check their passport expiration right away. Check-in with your singles and see if you can pair them up to share a room with a similar personality/travel style friend of yours. Rent a house or villa that can allow for easier accommodations and room sharing. With a whole place, you can actually enjoy quality time with some of your guests who might feel left out otherwise. You can also cater and take more stress of expenses for the single guests.
If you’re picking New Year’s Eve, long holiday weekend, or peak vacation time, make it a weddingcation for everyone where people would really find it fun to extend their stay. If I get an invitation to a cool wedding on NYE, I am more inclined to go, so I don’t have to come up with plans for the dreadful holiday as a single, especially if the venue is amazing.
Make sure to be clear at the outset about what you’re covering, the plan of activities suggested hotels, and group rates, and provide activities that incorporate something cool about the place you’re visiting.
If you’re a single lady like me, don’t be shy to ask who else is going. That could make or break your trip or justify the spending. We just returned from a destination wedding in Mykonos, and it worked because I had two friends who had not been to the island and had other activities planned that made it worth the trek beyond being a friend to the happy couple. We made a whole week of it and even celebrated my best friend’s 40th birthday! Read all about it here.
Wedding Planner & Travel Advisor
Splurge on a wedding planner, a travel advisor, or both. If you’re planning a destination wedding, there are a million moving parts, and a local expert, or one with the venue, can make all the difference. Those two roles will help simplify, keep tabs on the moving parts, and take care of reminders/deadlines and items you might not want to worry about like booking hotels and transfers. Leave that to the experts and take the stress level down a few notches!
What to Pack? Dress for the Gram!
I’m a big fan of having any reason to dress up, especially a destination wedding. I’ve tried both Nuuly and Rent the Runway in the last few years for events and celebrations. It’s the best way to wear a stunning outfit for the occasion and more sustainable. In your clothing delivery, you’ll be able to get other looks to build out your traveling wardrobe and return them without having to worry about dry cleaning — it’s a win-win!
You never know who might be there (like an ex) or another single with potential. If there’s none there, at least you look great in the pictures and can use it for a dating app profile pic update.
Seating
If there will be a seated arrangement, make sure to put those single folks with other chatty friends or singles. Lots of times you end up with a friend hierarchy table placement, but it’s all about the vibe you’re going for. Do you want people sitting alone with a bunch of couples? No, so be mindful that it might not appease a certain tiered family/friend system. You paid a lot for the wedding and so did your traveling guests, so seat people and create a fun, inclusive experience. And provide an open bar. A solid playlist or DJ loosens up a crowd,
Plus Ones
While we may not be married, we might need a plus one for a significant other or even a friend guest to soften the blow. Consider it as an option and budget for potential plus ones. I find that many weddings won’t offer you a plus one unless you are a married couple. If someone asks you for one and you decline, don’t take it personally or expect them to come. At a recent destination wedding, I immediately knew I had two amazing buddies going, so that made it an easy yes for me.
Gift Etiquette
If you’re having people travel a significant distance, don’t expect gifts on top of it. Having a wedding is expensive, period. It’s something that the couple needs to come to terms with and save for the wedding they want. It’s wonderful if you get money back from guests, but don’t count on it. As singles, we’re coming to an occasion to provide money or gifts to a soon-to-be two-income household. And unless you’ve sent a gift for their other achievements, not sure why you’d expect guests to fill up a wedding purse or registry, especially for two who’ve lived together for years already. Had to be said!
If you’re a dear friend to me, I will find a way to get you something thoughtful or contribute to your honeymoon fund. I believe in spending money on the trip!
Throwing the Bouquet
Please don’t round up the single girls and call them out. Let them participate in the tradition if they want. Too many times, I’m being hunted down for it to fill it out for the bride to throw to and a few times, chosen to go to the bathroom at this time. It puts a spotlight on me and reminds me just how single I am at this wedding.
Single Lady Accomplishments
Brides, I get it. weddings are stressful and expensive to plan. A destination wedding in particular is usually a year-long journey, where the couple can get caught up and leave friendships unattended. As you join with another and have your forever plus one, don’t forget to celebrate your other friend’s accomplishments outside of getting married or having a baby.
Because after this wedding, comes the babies, the kid’s birthdays and much more gifting. It never ends, and I’d like to see people remember there is more to life than marriage. Much more.
I was thrilled to be Maid of Honor for my best friend during her wedding and love celebrating happy couples. However, she also celebrates me as her friend and my personal & professional accomplishments every damn day. That’s the kind of relationship I’m looking for!
